Bloodborne and Fading Memories
My favourite Bloodborne boss? No idea, sorry.
I swear I beat it though. I finished the DLC too. But it's been over a decade and all I can remember are shapes and vibes. A moment here, a moment there - a memorable conversation, a dank alley, or a foe that killed me several dozen times. I have similar issues with all the other Souls-family games. I played them all, enjoyed them, but would struggle to discuss details. You'd love to have me on your podcast!
I can vividly remember how those games made me feel, and how they felt to play, but I'm sketchy on the details.
To be fair, Bloodborne was ten years ago, and a lot has happened in the last decade. You may have noticed? But it's not just Bloodborne and its cousins that I struggle to recollect. For example, it's embarrassing how little I can remember of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, which was my favourite game of last year. Obviously I can still recall the shape of it, the main characters, the major narrative beats and the rhythm of the combat. However, if you were to test me on the order of events, much of the lore, and any of the secondary twists and turns, I guarantee I'd fail.
I'm pretty sure I don't have memory issues. I can remember all sorts of useless shit, don't need to rely on To-Do lists, and know when I'm supposed to be somewhere. This is a video-game-and-me thing, not a go-see-a-doctor thing.
I can mentally tap into the games of my youth and early adulthood with ease. Sights, sounds, locations of chaos emeralds - that's all secure. The part of my brain that looks after those memories is probably the same part that rejects mental records of more recent games. A one-in, one-out policy, but no one is leaving.
I'm not suggesting that this is a failing of more modern games. They are most certainly worthy of being remembered, so why do I forget them? Well, firstly, I'm an adult, newly middle-aged, and have plenty on my mind. I don't have the mental bandwidth to commit games to memory, or at least not to the extent that I once did. I also don't discuss games the way that I used to, so they don't stick the same. I have a less active social life, so I don't chat about them as much; I don't blog as frequently as I did in my 20-30s, and I don't indulge in games media all that much. I'm not building that fluency, and I'm not committing to memory.
I also have less free time. Time-greedy games will consume several weeks, so when they're finally done, I'm more than ready to move on and play something else. With very few exceptions, I don't revisit recent experiences, and the way I play probably isn't conducive to memorisation: at the very end of the day, when I'm knackered, for less than an hour.
Last week, I was listening to The Back Page podcast, and they were discussing Bloodborne bosses. I'm sure I'm not the only person who likes to join in with pod discussions - I hope I'm not, anyway - agreeing and disagreeing out loud with takes and even adding some of my own. Podcasts being a non-interactive form of media rarely gets in the way of me trying to get involved! I was keen to weigh in on Bloodborne and speak at my pod-friends, but I couldn't, as my memory failed me.
It made me wonder when this lack of clear recollection began. Was Bloodborne the onset or was it an outlier? Let's figure it out by considering some computer games that I have played and liked.
Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy was my game of the year for 2021 and I can't recall any of it! I'll think a part of it is coming back to me, but Google will inform me that I'm actually thinking of a scene from the movies. That's concerning, but at least we know I was already fucked by 2021. We're making progress.
I could speak all day, and in great detail, about my favourites from the PS3-360-Wii generation. The first three Uncharteds, the Mass Effect trilogy, Red Dead Redemption, Metal Gear Solid 4 etc. I can also vividly recall every feature of non-narrative led experiences like Shatter and Burnout Paradise, which so thoroughly delighted me all those years ago. My brain was fully switched on during the seventh gen.
Moving to the more recent past, it's concerning how little I can remember of Death Stranding. What was Daryl's deal? I know he was a postman, had a baby, and there was oil everywhere, but otherwise, I'm drawing a blank. And I really liked Death Stranding! So that's 2019 scratched off. Sticking with Hideo Kojima, I don't recall much more of Metal Gear Solid V, which was 2015. I can still remember the over-arching narrative, but the details and order of events are missing.
I think the transition from PS3 to PS4 is where it starts to get hazy, which is where Bloodborne falls. Maybe The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is the last narrative-driven game that I can recall in great detail? The characters, their arcs, the major missions and even much of the side activities - it all made a lasting impression. It probably helps that I played both DLC adventures over the following two years, which elongated the experience and gave it a better chance to dig in and claim a permanent spot in my memory bank.
It dawns on me that the onset of this 2014/2015~ fogginess coincides with my becoming a father. Maybe I suddenly had more important things to remember? Or, more likely, I was too tired to create new memories. It's probably that.
Hang on, something is coming back to me. Vicar Amelia? That was a good boss, I think.
Am I fixed?
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