Toomanywires

Old Snake cautiously emerges from a bombed-out building. The occupants of what was once a family home are nowhere to be found, the casualties of another proxy war.  It's all very grim. Shades of brown and grey, the power of PlayStation 3. The safety is off and Snake's knife is unsheathed, ready to meet the threat that is just about to appear from around the corner. A patrolling guard approaches and Snake raises his blade, ready to pounce. This unfortunate individual is one more step away from meeting a violent end at the hands of one of the deadliest men that have ever lived.   *** MASSIVE FART SOUNDS *** Someone is doing a big wet shite in the oil drum just behind the patrolling soldier. He moves away from the still-hidden Snake to investigate the groans and sounds of flatulence that are increasing in ferocity. There are no courtesy flushes on the battlefield. He yanks the oil drum away to reveal our soon-to-be-ally, and general shit-artist, Johnny Sasaki, his dirty arse...

I followed the Grand Theft Auto VI: An Extended Look second hand, via social media.  I cancelled Netflix a month ago. We had one too many subscription services, or more like several too many, and it was surplus to our viewing requirements. I had hoped to squeeze in one more re-watch of the Netflix-exclusive The Last Dance before it expired but I didn't have time. And if I don't have time for Michael Jordan and the 72-win Bulls, I most certainly do not have time for whatever else is on there. No Netflix, but by Friday afternoon Japan time, I was able to watch The Extended Look in full on YouTube , and that's what I did. Though by that point, I was already very well informed about all things VI. Every website worth its salt had already posted exhaustive coverage of every little detail, and my social media timeline was overflowing with takes. There was a lot of shared language and points of focus that were present across all of these opinions, especially in the games press cov...

I was very excited for NBA The Run, until I wasn't. It appeared as a spiritual successor to the much-celebrated NBA Street series, the EA BIG production that brought together streetball culture, arcade gameplay and an unforgettable visual style. At its best - that would be  NBA Street Vol. 2  - Street is recognised as not only one of the finest basketball games ever made, but one of the best arcade sport experiences period. While The Run certainly looks the part, it's missing one of the elements that made NBA Street such a compelling package: a deep and entertaining single player mode. And that's why I didn't buy it at launch. My enthusiasm was all but killed off by the online-multiplayer-only announcement, which came after the launch trailer had already gotten my hopes up.  I wanted to enjoy it at my own pace. I wanted to improve incrementally over un-rushed sessions, where I'm solely responsible for my own entertainment, and not at the mercy of teammates who don...

"I wonder whether a Horizon Festival would be profitable for the hosting locality?" Somewhat distracted by that thought, I overshot a sharp right, lost control of my vehicle and smashed into a Tokyo convenience store. Metal met metal at 120 mph. Fortunately, this was an in-game incident, occurring during a recent Forza Horizon 6 session. I don't think my real-world Honda FIT would get up to 120 mph, and I wouldn't attempt a right turn at that speed even if it did. In the world of Horizon, damage is minimal and everyone walks away, no matter how hard and fast you collide. The inhabitants of this shrunk-down Japan are largely invisible, and when they do appear, they do so as indestructible cheerleaders kept safe behind immovable barriers. They need not concern themselves with vehicular manslaughter. Had this been real life, the metal barriers around the shop would not have halted my luminous green Subaru Impreza. It would have ploughed through the store front, killing d...

Mixtapes are deeply personal things, which partially explains why there has been so much Mixtape discourse over the past week. That's Mixtape the game, not the CD you burned for your school crush that was rammed with slow jams featuring filthy lyrics that soared over your head, or angst-ridden rock songs performed by men with guitars and feelings. Mixtape the game, a coming-of-age adventure that follows a trio of teens on their last day in their hometown, before they head off on their own individual adventures. Each scene is accompanied by a real-world track selected by our protagonist, which she insists perfectly suits the situation in which it must be enjoyed.  Depending on who you ask, Mixtape is either sublime or a bit wank. Maybe a bit of both. Your enjoyment may hinge on how closely the events depicted resemble your late-teen adventures and whether or not the music successfully captures the emotions you felt during the defining moments of your young adulthood. Personally, I d...

Bloodborne? Completed it, mate. My favourite Bloodborne boss? No idea, sorry. I swear I beat it though. I finished the DLC too. But it's been over a decade and all I can remember are shapes and vibes. A moment here, a moment there - a memorable conversation, a dank alley, or a foe that killed me several dozen times. I have similar issues with all the other Souls-family games. I played them all, enjoyed them, but would struggle to discuss details. You'd love to have me on your podcast! I can vividly remember how those games made me feel, and how they felt to play, but I'm sketchy on the details.  To be fair, Bloodborne was ten years ago, and a lot has happened in the last decade. You may have noticed? But it's not just Bloodborne and its cousins that I struggle to recollect. For example, it's embarrassing how little I can remember of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, which was my favourite game of last year . Obviously I can still recall the shape of it, the main characte...

I was hopelessly lost. I thought it would be easy to resume my adventure after a few days away, but no. Three days removed from last playing Final Fantasy V Advance, and I had no idea where I was, what I'd been doing, or where I was headed. Bartz, Lenna, Galuf, Faris and I, confused in a cave. My memory may be faltering, but FFV isn't exactly great at giving hints or reminders. A few days away is all it takes to become utterly lost when there are no mission markers, no mission log, a very limited map, and several hundred caves that all look the same. It hasn't helped that the online guide I've been checking keeps refreshing and losing my spot on the page. I think I was supposed to be doing something in a cave? Ctrl+F "cave" - 127 results! Brilliant. I was looking for something I could sink my teeth into over the winter holiday. I wanted to make use of my Analogue Pocket, ideally while wrapped up warm on the sofa, with the Christmas tree in view. Nice and cozy....

1. Lumines - Arise a Contrarian I like Lumines.  Electronic Symphony is my favourite, and it lived in my Vita for years on end, and I put countless hours into the PSP originals, as well as the recent-ish remaster. However, I've struggled to click with Lumines Arise. In that respect, I seem to be in the distinct minority. My social media feeds have been full of gushing praise, from Lumines-heads and via Tetris Effect-converts alike.  By no means did I dislike Arise, it's just that it never got its claws into me, not how I hoped it would. I wasn't seeing falling blocks when I closed my eyes nor fighting off the urge to have one more go at silly hours. I was essentially done with it within a week or so, and that bugged me. So I decided to think really hard - really, really hard - and get to the bottom of why we didn't gel. And I think I got it. In Arise, the total marriage between the core gameplay and music is a hindrance to my enjoyment of Lumines. When defining that enj...

I finished Final Fantasy Tactics - The Ivalice Chronicles last week. I'm delighted to report that Tactics remains sublime and the upgrade is outstanding. While I was playing, I did something that I usually wouldn't: I snapped screenshots. When something struck me as poignant, interesting, funny or just pretty, I'd grab a picture. Some of those images now serve as the backbone for this blog post and will provide inspiration for a bit of Tactics talk. Obviously, this post will contain spoilers . If you plan on playing Final Fantasy Tactics and have yet to do so, I'd advise giving this blog a miss. I won't mind, and I trust you'll come back once you've played it. And you most definitely should play it, because it's an all-timer. Delita on a Chocobo - The Opening Cinematic I'm pleased that the water-colour cutscenes from the PSP port, War of the Lions, were retained. They're a lovely touch that add a softness and warmth to the otherwise harsh world o...

Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater is done , and Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles is still a week away. I am enamoured with Tactics. Big love for it, and I'll be dropping everything to play it at launch. I even pre-ordered the new art book that should arrive at my door a few days later. It's a book that's got art in it; Tactics art. October will be all Tactics, all the time. But it's not October yet, it is September, and I've got a little time to play other things. Nothing too significant, as I don't want to commit to anything I can't finish, or at least get my fill of, by 9/30. This is an ideal opportunity to get through some of my backlog, and I've already started to take advantage of this brief window. Last week, I got the Wii U out, so that I could make use of its Wii backward compatibility. I  picked up a handful of Wii games when I was back in the UK in August and fancied putting a dent in them. However, I didn't get very far, a...

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. Subsistence. The HD and Master Collections. Snake Eater 3D. And now, Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater. Multiple ways to enjoy the greatest game ever made! I spent the last two weeks playing through Delta and, as expected, I had a wonderful time. Snake Eater remains sublime, and I only have good things to say about the remake. But not everyone shares in my enthusiasm. There has been some hand-wringing about the stylistic choices made in Delta - some touch-ups here and there, minor elements added and removed, and the effects of graphical enhancements that have rubbed people the wrong way. There has also been concern about whether Konami should be fucking with MGS, given its visionary and driving force, Hideo Kojima, is no longer involved. Ultimately, some have questioned the need to remake Snake Eater at all, especially considering a perfectly good HD remaster is widely available on modern platforms. Fair enough. Valid points, mostly. But I, the Snake ...