Toomanywires

"I wonder whether a Horizon Festival would be profitable for the hosting locality?" Somewhat distracted by that thought, I overshot a sharp right, lost control of my vehicle and smashed into a Tokyo convenience store. Metal met metal at 120 mph. Fortunately, this was an in-game incident, occurring during a recent Forza Horizon 6 session. I don't think my real-world Honda FIT would get up to 120 mph, and I wouldn't attempt a right turn at that speed even if it did. In the world of Horizon, damage is minimal and everyone walks away, no matter how hard and fast you collide. The inhabitants of this shrunk-down Japan are largely invisible, and when they do appear, they do so as indestructible cheerleaders kept safe behind immovable barriers. They need not concern themselves with vehicular manslaughter. Had this been real life, the metal barriers around the shop would not have halted my luminous green Subaru Impreza. It would have ploughed through the store front, killing d...

That's the 1999 San Antonio Spurs, flying home from the NBA Finals. They're pictured returning from their Game 5, 78-77 victory over the New York Knicks, where they clinched their first NBA Championship. The Larry O'Brien trophy is in the bottom right.  To celebrate, they are doing the most 1999 thing possible: having a StarCraft LAN party! Apparently, this was a very popular hobby amongst Spurs players. And here's video proof , featuring future Hall of Famer, and arguably the greatest Power Forward of all time, Tim Duncan. Twenty seven years, and several StarCraft updates later, and we're running it back. That's right, the Spurs are taking on the Knicks in the NBA Finals, tipping off 6/3. San Antonio is no stranger to winning. Having successfully built around Duncan across two decades of excellence, the Spurs made six Finals appearances from 1999-2014, winning five times. The Knicks, on the other hand, were largely irrelevant throughout the 2000s and 2010s. One...

Mixtapes are deeply personal things, which partially explains why there has been so much Mixtape discourse over the past week. That's Mixtape the game, not the CD you burned for your school crush that was rammed with slow jams featuring filthy lyrics that soared over your head, or angst-ridden rock songs performed by men with guitars and feelings. Mixtape the game, a coming-of-age adventure that follows a trio of teens on their last day in their hometown, before they head off on their own individual adventures. Each scene is accompanied by a real-world track selected by our protagonist, which she insists perfectly suits the situation in which it must be enjoyed.  Depending on who you ask, Mixtape is either sublime or a bit wank. Maybe a bit of both. Your enjoyment may hinge on how closely the events depicted resemble your late-teen adventures and whether or not the music successfully captures the emotions you felt during the defining moments of your young adulthood. Personally, I d...

I could've played Resident Evil Requiem. In fact, I almost did. But I didn't. Instead, I played Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne. A game from 2003, which is ages ago. The blurb on the back of the box promises an INTENSE CINEMATIC 3D ACTION GAME WITH UNIQUE BULLET TIME GAMEPLAY, which is an extremely-2003 collection of words. I have yet to play anything released this year. Instead, I have been discovering and revisiting older experiences. This isn't a conscious rejection of the Modern, nor a disinterest in games that don't scream UNIQUE BULLET TIME. No, my avoidance of 2026 largely stems from a desire to put a dent in the backlog and to play the games that I already have at home.  To be honest, it's also due to a slight disinterest in the year thus far, and a distaste for recent developments in the video game space. Price increases and talk of $1000 next-gen consoles is all a bit off-putting, isn't it? A tad unsavoury. Makes you want to play something you alrea...

Vanessa Z Schneider appears out of thin air. She's an unwelcome guest on "colonized planet Ode". She's immediately greeted by a pair of guns-on-hovercraft robots, and they are not friendly. She remains unfazed, however, and continues to nod along to a spot of drum & bass. The robots open fire, but Vanessa stays rooted to the spot, confidently allowing the shots to harmlessly whistle past her. She continues her head-nodding. More lasers, but this time she takes evasive actions, and effortlessly executes a back flip. She lands and resumes head nodding. She spins left, then pulls off a side-strafe scissor kick that would put a less balletic hero in the emergency room. Still nodding, lost in the music. Finally, she goes on the offensive, firing a deadly barrage of lasers from her palms. Big explosions, and then robot guts scattered over sand dunes. Vanessa strikes a pose, and the opening movie ends. Everything effortless and graceful. Then I take over, and it all goes...

Bloodborne? Completed it, mate. My favourite Bloodborne boss? No idea, sorry. I swear I beat it though. I finished the DLC too. But it's been over a decade and all I can remember are shapes and vibes. A moment here, a moment there - a memorable conversation, a dank alley, or a foe that killed me several dozen times. I have similar issues with all the other Souls-family games. I played them all, enjoyed them, but would struggle to discuss details. You'd love to have me on your podcast! I can vividly remember how those games made me feel, and how they felt to play, but I'm sketchy on the details.  To be fair, Bloodborne was ten years ago, and a lot has happened in the last decade. You may have noticed? But it's not just Bloodborne and its cousins that I struggle to recollect. For example, it's embarrassing how little I can remember of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, which was my favourite game of last year . Obviously I can still recall the shape of it, the main characte...