Toomanywires

Vanessa Z Schneider appears out of thin air. She's an unwelcome guest on "colonized planet Ode". She's immediately greeted by a pair of guns-on-hovercraft robots, and they are not friendly. She remains unfazed, however, and continues to nod along to a spot of drum & bass. The robots open fire, but Vanessa stays rooted to the spot, confidently allowing the shots to harmlessly whistle past her. She continues her head-nodding. More lasers, but this time she takes evasive actions, and effortlessly executes a back flip. She lands and resumes head nodding. She spins left, then pulls off a side-strafe scissor kick that would put a less balletic hero in the emergency room. Still nodding, lost in the music. Finally, she goes on the offensive, firing a deadly barrage of lasers from her palms. Big explosions, and then robot guts scattered over sand dunes. Vanessa strikes a pose, and the opening movie ends. Everything effortless and graceful. Then I take over, and it all goes...

Bloodborne? Completed it, mate. My favourite Bloodborne boss? No idea, sorry. I swear I beat it though. I finished the DLC too. But it's been over a decade and all I can remember are shapes and vibes. A moment here, a moment there - a memorable conversation, a dank alley, or a foe that killed me several dozen times. I have similar issues with all the other Souls-family games. I played them all, enjoyed them, but would struggle to discuss details. You'd love to have me on your podcast! I can vividly remember how those games made me feel, and how they felt to play, but I'm sketchy on the details.  To be fair, Bloodborne was ten years ago, and a lot has happened in the last decade. You may have noticed? But it's not just Bloodborne and its cousins that I struggle to recollect. For example, it's embarrassing how little I can remember of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, which was my favourite game of last year . Obviously I can still recall the shape of it, the main characte...

I was hopelessly lost. I thought it would be easy to resume my adventure after a few days away, but no. Three days removed from last playing Final Fantasy V Advance, and I had no idea where I was, what I'd been doing, or where I was headed. Bartz, Lenna, Galuf, Faris and I, confused in a cave. My memory may be faltering, but FFV isn't exactly great at giving hints or reminders. A few days away is all it takes to become utterly lost when there are no mission markers, no mission log, a very limited map, and several hundred caves that all look the same. It hasn't helped that the online guide I've been checking keeps refreshing and losing my spot on the page. I think I was supposed to be doing something in a cave? Ctrl+F "cave" - 127 results! Brilliant. I was looking for something I could sink my teeth into over the winter holiday. I wanted to make use of my Analogue Pocket, ideally while wrapped up warm on the sofa, with the Christmas tree in view. Nice and cozy....

The Best & Worst of:  2024 /  2023   /  2022   /  2021  /  2020  /  2019  /   2018  /  2017  /  2016  /  2015  /  2014  /  2013  /  2012  /  2011  /  2010 Are we sure it's been a year? It feels like I was writing my 2024 wrap-up just a few months ago. Gushing about Infinite Wealth, six months ago tops. Maybe eight? I may have lost the ability to accurately gauge the passage of time, but I know we certainly got twelve-month's worth of games this year. Good games, too. We even got a new console. Definitely twelve months, even if it felt a bit like eight. Maybe nine? 2024-me couldn't have predicted the games we'd end up discussing most this year. Surprise indies, rebounding AAA franchises, high profile re-releases, and even RPGs! The game of the year darling was widely compared to Lost Odyssey and Final Fantasy XIII, and it wasn't meant as an insu...

When I was my daughter's age, I got a Mega Drive for Christmas.  This Christmas, she'll be getting a Switch 2. The GEO app said they had it in stock. At least one Switch 2 behind the counter at a local store, available last weekend without the need to reserve or enter a lottery that I'd be bound to lose. A rare thing, and only a twenty-minute drive away. I took a moment to consider whether I wanted a Switch 2. I hadn't planned to get one this year, but given that console prices go up nowadays, not down, waiting made little sense. I thought about my daughter, who'd be delighted to have one before the big Switch 2 exclusives drop, including new Splatoon and that Pokemon game that looks like Animal Crossing.  Good reasons to buy one, but it was the season that clinched it. The chance to put a console under the Christmas tree was too good to pass up, so I jumped in the car and prepared to massively exceed my festive budget. The journey was straight forward, but parking ...

1. Lumines - Arise a Contrarian I like Lumines.  Electronic Symphony is my favourite, and it lived in my Vita for years on end, and I put countless hours into the PSP originals, as well as the recent-ish remaster. However, I've struggled to click with Lumines Arise. In that respect, I seem to be in the distinct minority. My social media feeds have been full of gushing praise, from Lumines-heads and via Tetris Effect-converts alike.  By no means did I dislike Arise, it's just that it never got its claws into me, not how I hoped it would. I wasn't seeing falling blocks when I closed my eyes nor fighting off the urge to have one more go at silly hours. I was essentially done with it within a week or so, and that bugged me. So I decided to think really hard - really, really hard - and get to the bottom of why we didn't gel. And I think I got it. In Arise, the total marriage between the core gameplay and music is a hindrance to my enjoyment of Lumines. When defining that enj...