Toomanywires

Old Snake cautiously emerges from a bombed-out building. The occupants of what was once a family home are nowhere to be found, the casualties of another proxy war.  It's all very grim. Shades of brown and grey, the power of PlayStation 3. The safety is off and Snake's knife is unsheathed, ready to meet the threat that is just about to appear from around the corner. A patrolling guard approaches and Snake raises his blade, ready to pounce. This unfortunate individual is one more step away from meeting a violent end at the hands of one of the deadliest men that have ever lived.   *** MASSIVE FART SOUNDS *** Someone is doing a big wet shite in the oil drum just behind the patrolling soldier. He moves away from the still-hidden Snake to investigate the groans and sounds of flatulence that are increasing in ferocity. There are no courtesy flushes on the battlefield. He yanks the oil drum away to reveal our soon-to-be-ally, and general shit-artist, Johnny Sasaki, his dirty arse...

I followed the Grand Theft Auto VI: An Extended Look second hand, via social media.  I cancelled Netflix a month ago. We had one too many subscription services, or more like several too many, and it was surplus to our viewing requirements. I had hoped to squeeze in one more re-watch of the Netflix-exclusive The Last Dance before it expired but I didn't have time. And if I don't have time for Michael Jordan and the 72-win Bulls, I most certainly do not have time for whatever else is on there. No Netflix, but by Friday afternoon Japan time, I was able to watch The Extended Look in full on YouTube , and that's what I did. Though by that point, I was already very well informed about all things VI. Every website worth its salt had already posted exhaustive coverage of every little detail, and my social media timeline was overflowing with takes. There was a lot of shared language and points of focus that were present across all of these opinions, especially in the games press cov...

I was very excited for NBA The Run, until I wasn't. It appeared as a spiritual successor to the much-celebrated NBA Street series, the EA BIG production that brought together streetball culture, arcade gameplay and an unforgettable visual style. At its best - that would be  NBA Street Vol. 2  - Street is recognised as not only one of the finest basketball games ever made, but one of the best arcade sport experiences period. While The Run certainly looks the part, it's missing one of the elements that made NBA Street such a compelling package: a deep and entertaining single player mode. And that's why I didn't buy it at launch. My enthusiasm was all but killed off by the online-multiplayer-only announcement, which came after the launch trailer had already gotten my hopes up.  I wanted to enjoy it at my own pace. I wanted to improve incrementally over un-rushed sessions, where I'm solely responsible for my own entertainment, and not at the mercy of teammates who don...

There was a mess of HDMI cables in the gap between the wall and the TV stand. Which one belonged to the PS3 was anyone's guess. Peering over the back of the TV, I couldn't make sense of it, so I pulled the stand away from the wall so that I could have a proper look. Far too many wires! I picked one from the tangled mass, gave it a tug, and was greatly relieved to see the PS3 move ever so slightly. I had my cable, and on the first pull no less!  I plugged it in and re-emerged from behind the stand, smacking my head on the corner of the TV on the way out. The rigmarole didn't end there. The DualShock 3's battery was flat, so I needed to find the right charging cable, which involved dumping a box full of gadgets on the living room floor so that I could sort through it. I soon found what I was looking for, but the wire wasn't quite long enough to comfortably reach from the console to the sofa. I had to perch on the edge, hunched over, trading comfort for the extra coupl...

I played Mega Turrican the other day.  I had twenty minutes to spare, there was no football on, and I fancied trying something new. New to me anyway. So I scrolled through the games on my Analogue Pocket and Mega Turrican is where I came to a stop. I knew of it, and I recognised the name from the Nirvana The Band The Show's Wii Shop Wednesday song, which was enough to convince me to load it up. It was OK, I suppose. I didn't get very far because old games are hard and my fingers and brain don't work like they used to. Having turned off my Pocket, I immediately stopped thinking about Mega Turrican. However, Wii Shop Wednesday continued to play on loop in my head. I started to have some ideas.  I have lots of ideas but most of them amount to nothing. I lose interest or simply lack the time or resources to act upon them. My blog drafts are full of thoughts that were never explored beyond an opening paragraph or a poorly-ordered set of bullet points; for every social media pos...

"I wonder whether a Horizon Festival would be profitable for the hosting locality?" Somewhat distracted by that thought, I overshot a sharp right, lost control of my vehicle and smashed into a Tokyo convenience store. Metal met metal at 120 mph. Fortunately, this was an in-game incident, occurring during a recent Forza Horizon 6 session. I don't think my real-world Honda FIT would get up to 120 mph, and I wouldn't attempt a right turn at that speed even if it did. In the world of Horizon, damage is minimal and everyone walks away, no matter how hard and fast you collide. The inhabitants of this shrunk-down Japan are largely invisible, and when they do appear, they do so as indestructible cheerleaders kept safe behind immovable barriers. They need not concern themselves with vehicular manslaughter. Had this been real life, the metal barriers around the shop would not have halted my luminous green Subaru Impreza. It would have ploughed through the store front, killing d...