Toomanywires

I played Mega Turrican the other day.  I had twenty minutes to spare, there was no football on, and I fancied trying something new. New to me anyway. So I scrolled through the games on my Analogue Pocket and Mega Turrican is where I came to a stop. I knew of it, and I recognised the name from the Nirvana The Band The Show's Wii Shop Wednesday song, which was enough to convince me to load it up. It was OK, I suppose. I didn't get very far because old games are hard and my fingers and brain don't work like they used to. Having turned off my Pocket, I immediately stopped thinking about Mega Turrican. However, Wii Shop Wednesday continued to play on loop in my head. I started to have some ideas.  I have lots of ideas but most of them amount to nothing. I lose interest or simply lack the time or resources to act upon them. My blog drafts are full of thoughts that were never explored beyond an opening paragraph or a poorly-ordered set of bullet points; for every social media pos...

That's the 1999 San Antonio Spurs, flying home from the NBA Finals. They're pictured returning from their Game 5, 78-77 victory over the New York Knicks, where they clinched their first NBA Championship. The Larry O'Brien trophy is in the bottom right.  To celebrate, they are doing the most 1999 thing possible: having a StarCraft LAN party! Apparently, this was a very popular hobby amongst Spurs players. And here's video proof , featuring future Hall of Famer, and arguably the greatest Power Forward of all time, Tim Duncan. Twenty seven years, and several StarCraft updates later, and we're running it back. That's right, the Spurs are taking on the Knicks in the NBA Finals, tipping off 6/3. San Antonio is no stranger to winning. Having successfully built around Duncan across two decades of excellence, the Spurs made six Finals appearances from 1999-2014, winning five times. The Knicks, on the other hand, were largely irrelevant throughout the 2000s and 2010s. One...

I could've played Resident Evil Requiem. In fact, I almost did. But I didn't. Instead, I played Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne. A game from 2003, which is ages ago. The blurb on the back of the box promises an INTENSE CINEMATIC 3D ACTION GAME WITH UNIQUE BULLET TIME GAMEPLAY, which is an extremely-2003 collection of words. I have yet to play anything released this year. Instead, I have been discovering and revisiting older experiences. This isn't a conscious rejection of the Modern, nor a disinterest in games that don't scream UNIQUE BULLET TIME. No, my avoidance of 2026 largely stems from a desire to put a dent in the backlog and to play the games that I already have at home.  To be honest, it's also due to a slight disinterest in the year thus far, and a distaste for recent developments in the video game space. Price increases and talk of $1000 next-gen consoles is all a bit off-putting, isn't it? A tad unsavoury. Makes you want to play something you alrea...

Vanessa Z Schneider appears out of thin air. She's an unwelcome guest on "colonized planet Ode". She's immediately greeted by a pair of guns-on-hovercraft robots, and they are not friendly. She remains unfazed, however, and continues to nod along to a spot of drum & bass. The robots open fire, but Vanessa stays rooted to the spot, confidently allowing the shots to harmlessly whistle past her. She continues her head-nodding. More lasers, but this time she takes evasive actions, and effortlessly executes a back flip. She lands and resumes head nodding. She spins left, then pulls off a side-strafe scissor kick that would put a less balletic hero in the emergency room. Still nodding, lost in the music. Finally, she goes on the offensive, firing a deadly barrage of lasers from her palms. Big explosions, and then robot guts scattered over sand dunes. Vanessa strikes a pose, and the opening movie ends. Everything effortless and graceful. Then I take over, and it all goes...

Bloodborne? Completed it, mate. My favourite Bloodborne boss? No idea, sorry. I swear I beat it though. I finished the DLC too. But it's been over a decade and all I can remember are shapes and vibes. A moment here, a moment there - a memorable conversation, a dank alley, or a foe that killed me several dozen times. I have similar issues with all the other Souls-family games. I played them all, enjoyed them, but would struggle to discuss details. You'd love to have me on your podcast! I can vividly remember how those games made me feel, and how they felt to play, but I'm sketchy on the details.  To be fair, Bloodborne was ten years ago, and a lot has happened in the last decade. You may have noticed? But it's not just Bloodborne and its cousins that I struggle to recollect. For example, it's embarrassing how little I can remember of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, which was my favourite game of last year . Obviously I can still recall the shape of it, the main characte...

I was hopelessly lost. I thought it would be easy to resume my adventure after a few days away, but no. Three days removed from last playing Final Fantasy V Advance, and I had no idea where I was, what I'd been doing, or where I was headed. Bartz, Lenna, Galuf, Faris and I, confused in a cave. My memory may be faltering, but FFV isn't exactly great at giving hints or reminders. A few days away is all it takes to become utterly lost when there are no mission markers, no mission log, a very limited map, and several hundred caves that all look the same. It hasn't helped that the online guide I've been checking keeps refreshing and losing my spot on the page. I think I was supposed to be doing something in a cave? Ctrl+F "cave" - 127 results! Brilliant. I was looking for something I could sink my teeth into over the winter holiday. I wanted to make use of my Analogue Pocket, ideally while wrapped up warm on the sofa, with the Christmas tree in view. Nice and cozy....

When I was my daughter's age, I got a Mega Drive for Christmas.  This Christmas, she'll be getting a Switch 2. The GEO app said they had it in stock. At least one Switch 2 behind the counter at a local store, available last weekend without the need to reserve or enter a lottery that I'd be bound to lose. A rare thing, and only a twenty-minute drive away. I took a moment to consider whether I wanted a Switch 2. I hadn't planned to get one this year, but given that console prices go up nowadays, not down, waiting made little sense. I thought about my daughter, who'd be delighted to have one before the big Switch 2 exclusives drop, including new Splatoon and that Pokemon game that looks like Animal Crossing.  Good reasons to buy one, but it was the season that clinched it. The chance to put a console under the Christmas tree was too good to pass up, so I jumped in the car and prepared to massively exceed my festive budget. The journey was straight forward, but parking ...

1. Lumines - Arise a Contrarian I like Lumines.  Electronic Symphony is my favourite, and it lived in my Vita for years on end, and I put countless hours into the PSP originals, as well as the recent-ish remaster. However, I've struggled to click with Lumines Arise. In that respect, I seem to be in the distinct minority. My social media feeds have been full of gushing praise, from Lumines-heads and via Tetris Effect-converts alike.  By no means did I dislike Arise, it's just that it never got its claws into me, not how I hoped it would. I wasn't seeing falling blocks when I closed my eyes nor fighting off the urge to have one more go at silly hours. I was essentially done with it within a week or so, and that bugged me. So I decided to think really hard - really, really hard - and get to the bottom of why we didn't gel. And I think I got it. In Arise, the total marriage between the core gameplay and music is a hindrance to my enjoyment of Lumines. When defining that enj...

I'm not sure what I'll do with four spice orange GameCube controllers. It's highly unlikely I'll ever need that many. I very rarely have friends over, and I might not have four of them anyway. Four friends, that is. I definitely have four controllers (see pic), which is the point of this post. Four spice orange GameCube controllers. Even if I somehow convinced my family to join me in a GameCube session, we'd still be a player short of utilising all four pads. Still, having a full set just seemed like the right thing to do, which is why I bought a fourth a few weeks back. I wanted to use all the controller ports and get fully plugged in; I needed to gather all that orange, even if just for the visual treat. I bought my GameCube in early 2024 and, to be honest, I haven't used it much. I played a good chunk of Eternal Darkness, and have dipped into a handful of other titles, spending the most time with NBA Street Vol. 3 and Wave Race. I've been quite selective...

Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater is done , and Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles is still a week away. I am enamoured with Tactics. Big love for it, and I'll be dropping everything to play it at launch. I even pre-ordered the new art book that should arrive at my door a few days later. It's a book that's got art in it; Tactics art. October will be all Tactics, all the time. But it's not October yet, it is September, and I've got a little time to play other things. Nothing too significant, as I don't want to commit to anything I can't finish, or at least get my fill of, by 9/30. This is an ideal opportunity to get through some of my backlog, and I've already started to take advantage of this brief window. Last week, I got the Wii U out, so that I could make use of its Wii backward compatibility. I  picked up a handful of Wii games when I was back in the UK in August and fancied putting a dent in them. However, I didn't get very far, a...

I've been on holiday. A trip back to the UK for two weeks. Sun? Yes, there was a bit. Pretty decent for an English summer. Sea? Only seen from the plane as we crossed over from mainland Europe. CEX? Yes, several times. It's lovely seeing family of course, but I also get excited about the little things when I go back to the UK. Popping in to Tesco, buying socks that fit properly, Marmite on toast for breakfast, takeout from the curry house, jogging an old route, and a trip or two to CEX to buy games. I'm not sure whether I ever stepped foot in a CEX, a leading retailer of second-hand media, when I lived in the UK. Maybe there were less of them? I certainly didn't buy many used games back then, and I'd save most of my retro purchases for trips to Japan. But now that I live outside the UK, I consider CEX a little treat and will visit a couple of times whenever I'm back. Inside CEX, the UK residents are looking for a few quid off PS5 games, and the collectors are co...

We're getting new versions of two GOATs later this summer. Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles is due late August, followed by Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater  at the end of September. Lucky us! Lucky me. That's two of the greatest of all time - number one (Snake Eater) and number five (Tactics) on my list - and while I'm certainly looking forward to both, the wait won't kill me. Probably. I'm excited but I'm not bursting at the seams. August and September will be here in the blink of an eye, as time doesn't make sense anymore, so there's no need to count down the days. I don't have the time or the energy to work myself up the way I used to. It's different when you're young(er). Your enthusiasm is through the roof, and waits are agonising. You count down the months, weeks and days until the object of your obsession is in your possession and you have full confidence that, once it is in your grubby little mitts, it'll be exce...