Metal Gear Solid 4: War is Silly

Old Snake cautiously emerges from a bombed-out building. The occupants of what was once a family home are nowhere to be found, the casualties of another proxy war. 

It's all very grim. Shades of brown and grey, the power of PlayStation 3.

The safety is off and Snake's knife is unsheathed, ready to meet the threat that is just about to appear from around the corner. A patrolling guard approaches and Snake raises his blade, ready to pounce. This unfortunate individual is one more step away from meeting a violent end at the hands of one of the deadliest men that have ever lived.  

*** MASSIVE FART SOUNDS ***

Someone is doing a big wet shite in the oil drum just behind the patrolling soldier. He moves away from the still-hidden Snake to investigate the groans and sounds of flatulence that are increasing in ferocity. There are no courtesy flushes on the battlefield.

He yanks the oil drum away to reveal our soon-to-be-ally, and general shit-artist, Johnny Sasaki, his dirty arse cheeks hanging out the back of his fatigues. Johnny begs for privacy and mercy. The soldier is momentarily overwhelmed by the smell, giving our crapper the chance to scamper. He gives chase and Snake emerges from his hiding spot, the need for violence averted.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is a very silly game, and I adore it.

Old Snake is a resourceful fella. You and I would give the shitty oil drum a wide berth, but Snake sees an opportunity, a new sneaking tool that he cannot resist. He takes a closer look, giving the drum a quick spin, unbothered by the pools of shit and the stench of Johnny's filthy back end. He strokes his chin and smirks - this is the first time he's looked happy in ages. 

Within seconds, we've climbed inside the barrel and are now rolling across the battlefield. We collide into an enemy soldier, who crashes onto his arse and is knocked out cold, after which the barrel disappears and Snake throws up. We get a trophy for our efforts.

This is the kind of shit you get up to in Guns of the Patriots, which I'm replaying for the first time in fifteen years as part of the newly-released Master Collection Vol. 2. 

While infiltrating an active war zone, I've taken the opportunity to snap the cock off a statue, made enemy soldiers sweat items, conversed with a monkey, and collected Playboy mags to distract horny enemies. And there is still so much more messing-about to be done. MGS4 is delightfully playful and I'm very happy to be revisiting it.  

MGS4 was a major event back in 2008. It was a convincing reason to buy an expensive, though not by today's standards, PlayStation 3, at a time when reasons were in short supply. It served as the delayed start of a new generation for PlayStation and the first step toward catching up to the Xbox 360, which had stormed out of the gates. Everyone was talking about MGS4 as a technical marvel and it was being advertised everywhere. Convenience stores here in Japan were full of product tie-ins - I still have a FOX Unit Regain energy drink key-chain dangling from my PSP! Hideo Kojima was already very well known, but this felt like the moment when he became a celebrity.

My then-girlfriend, now wife, sat and watched me play large chunks of MGS4, which wasn't something she'd usually do. Guns of the Patriots was a big deal.

As far as I'm concerned, it lived up to the hype. I loved almost every minute of it and revisiting the experience eighteen years later is proving to be an absolute treat. I'm just two hours in, so there's an abundance of fun ahead of me. I've only briefly been introduced to the diabolically daft Beauty & The Beast unit, so I have that to look forward to, plus a nostalgic return to a very familiar setting, a giant microwave, and a fist fight for the ages. 

Although I continue to be thrilled by the Master Collections, I would be disappointed if the future of MGS is limited to remasters and remakes. The Metal Gear universe and the characters that reside within are too good to waste, even if that means that the series must move forward without its driving force, Hideo Kojima. 

But for now, I'm not going to worry too much about the future. No need, not when revisiting the past is this much fun.