An Evening in the Life of a MW3 Gamer

I am currently in the midst of my annual FPS pilgrimage to the world of Death Match, by way of Call of Duty. I have finished and thoroughly enjoyed Modern Warfare 3’s ridiculous single player and have now turned my attention to the ever-addictive multiplayer. I’ll keep plugging away at it for the next couple of weeks, until I eventually lose interest and move onto something else (Skyrim?). But for now, I’m in deep and struggling to tear myself away from the on-screen carnage.

As I have done in the past with John Marston, Kazuma Kiryu and a Helghast grunt, I thought I’d compile a Day in the Life of… diary for MW3, only this time with a bit of a twist. Instead of coming from the perspective of a fictional character, this one is all about me as I embark upon on a (slightly) exaggerated evening of mindless fragging.

10.00 pm - Right, tonight I am definitely playing the last hour of ICO. I shall put it off no longer.

10.02 pm - At the Modern Warfare 3 main menu.

10.04 pm - I'll start off with a free-for-all match, that way there will be more people for me to spray with bullets, which should increase my chances of hitting something.

10.07 pm - Ooh, that guy is only level 2. I must track him down and punish him.

10.08 pm - He was better than I thought.

10.17 pm - It seems that I upset one of my opponents, as in the intermission he informed me that "I'm gonna fuck your sister in the c*nt". The jokes on him, as I don't even have a sister.

10.18 pm - Must remember to mute every single player, at all times. Even if it means standing around mid-game and getting shot-gunned in the face whilst silencing late arrivals.

10.32 pm - My wife just went to bed early, shouting about how I love video games more than her. Or at least I think that's what she said. I wasn't really listening.

10.40 pm - Why on earth did I think fitting a shotgun with a telescopic scope would be a good idea?

10.41 pm - My teammates for this round include dabestkiller37946, forced_abortion_chris and rupertMcCock. What a lovely bunch of fellows.

10.45 pm - Great game. First place with a 3:1 kill to death ratio. I'm starting to build up some momentum here.

10.59 pm - 7 kills 19 deaths. This game is rubbish. It’s all luck and nothing to do with skill.

11.11 pm - 14 kills 5 deaths. I earned that result.

11.12 pm - I just realised that I have no interest in the final outcome of these games. I couldn't even tell you if we won or lost that last round. It’s all about breaking even on the kill:death ratio - the true measure of any man's worth.

11.13 pm - Great, I unlocked some more call-sign designs. Two sexy female terrorists and a green skull? Yes, that's exactly what I'm all about.

11.20 pm - Why is everyone made of cash?

11.24 pm - What do you mean the airspace is too crowded? When I press the button you MUST unleash my helicopters. Do you know how many people died for that kill-streak?

11.33 pm - I just caught myself trying to climb a building, before remembering that I'm not playing Uncharted 3. I hope none of my teammates saw that.

11.34 pm - Received a message from one of my team. It just said "Knob".

11.40 pm - OK, one more match then I'm off to bed.

12.40 am - Struggling to keep my eyes open, but I'm convinced that my fortunes will improve in the next match.

12.45 am - I hate playing with other humans. Where's my copy of Skyrim?

Odds & Ends

1. Zelda and the 3DS

I pre-ordered the Europe exclusive, Zelda Limited Edition 3DS within about thirty minutes of posting this last week. It was only about £10 more than it costs to buy a standard model with Ocarina of Time, so I couldn't resist. Soon I will be able to see for myself if that big-eared boy is deserving of all the attention he gets, not to mention all the pointless bickering spawned by the varying reviews for the latest installment, Skyward Sword.

2. Metal Gear Solid 5

Hideo Kojima has confirmed that there will be a Metal Gear Solid 5, and that he will be very much in charge, despite having expressed a desire to hand the series over to a younger team numerous times in the past. Details will be revealed in the next issue of the UK Official PlayStation Magazine later this month, as well as information on another new game, "Project Ogre", which may or may not be MGS related (new Snatcher or Policenauts please). This is great, if not unsurprising, news and I'll be interested to see if we'll be getting a Snake prequel, or if we will continue to follow the earlier exploits of Big Boss as in MGS3, Portable Ops and Peace Walker. I'm sure to be happy either way.


  1. You messed up at 10:32. You go to bed with the wife, but you sneak out of bed when she falls asleep. That's how I handle my girlfriends. The only Downside is when she wakes me up in the morning thinking I got as much sleep as she did...

    I'm very curious about Metal Gear Solid 5 myself... I'd also like them to make another Zone of the Enders too...

  2. Very funny! You'd laugh at how much time I spend in fps games yelling "This isn't team deathmatch! Go to the f***ing objective!!"

    I'm always surprised that the console fps world doesn't get more press for its rampant awfulness. They'll spend years railing over nonsense like Grand Theft Auto, but when there's an actual problem, like the primary social network of gaming being filled with unsupervised 9 year olds shouting racial obscenities, no one ever brings it up.

    I read a bunch of those Skyward Sword reviews, and though I haven't played it, the 7.5 from IGN sounded right to me. It was the only review I saw that was written by someone who actually plays motion games, and really, unless that review is coming from a real motion gamer, it's like asking an AD&D player to review Final Fantasy based on tabletop game criteria. Like everyone in all the reviews talks about how detailed and nuanced the fighting is, but the IGN guy is the one who figures out that it's all show, and you can really just block and counter and be done. That rang SO true to motion gaming as I know it. My beloved Move controllers and I believe him.

  3. @ Ceva - Ha! Now thats a true gamer. Not sure i'd get away with that trick though. My wife knows me too well.

    @ Thirdrail - Glad you enjoyed it. Its all true you know.

    The press would probably just blame the games for turning their nine year olds into foul-mouthed Grand Wizards.

    Very true. Havent read the IGN review, but the score is certainly in-keeping with some of the other reviews I have seen (Gamespot, 1UP...) Slightly strange that EDGE awarded it a 10/10 though - they are usually a bastion of common sense and stingy grading.


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