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Sekiro - Are You Enjoying This Game?

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"Are you enjoying this game?"

I'm fighting a Sekiro mini boss. An unimposing foe who has already killed me a dozen times and wasted a good half hour of my precious time. Time that would've been better spent studying Japanese, doing the washing up, or going to bed early.

"Are you enjoying this game?"

My wife is asking. She's seen me playing Sekiro on and off for the last month. Me, Games King, as I've asked her to call me, slowly chipping away at a game that refuses to respect my time or lack of hand-eye coordination.

Every time she glances at the screen, I'm dying. Trampled by an over-sized bull; cut down by a rooftop samurai; outwitted by an ape without a head; bested by a cliff. Fucked by a regular monkey. I can understand why she might question my enjoyment of Sekiro.

This particular mini boss is completely optional. However, now that I've engaged with her once, I feel bound to keep at it until I finally figure out a way to defeat her. I t…

Filling a Steering Wheel Sized Hole

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¥980.

That was all they wanted for it. A boxed Sega Saturn Arcade Racer Joystick for the cost of a pint.

As with most used electronics here in Japan, it was in excellent condition. Boxed, bagged, and with instructions - near pristine. The epitome of Japan-used. I wanted it, but I didn't want to lug it around all day and then have to take it on a rush-hour train.

You see, I was shopping during my lunch break. Suited and booted, rummaging through boxes of old games dressed in my finest; the dapperest bargain hunter that you ever did see. Quite the spectacle in Akihabara, where most of the visitors can hardly dress themselves and, if they can, they're probably wearing a hideous anime t-shirt (Japanese) or a shorts-and-massive-rucksack combo (white people).

I wanted it, but it was impractical. So I walked away and spent most of the afternoon regretting my decision. That is until I remembered that I was going home via Akiba that evening. So I went back and bought it, and braved t…

The Vita Has no Games

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All signs point to the end of the Vita, with shipments of the remaining models set to end "soon".

To celebrate the life and mark the death of Sony's beautiful, ill-handled and ill-advised portable, I have written a poem.

The Vita has no Games by me
The Vita has no games said the man on the internet
Yes it does said another also on the internet
I can name plenty of exclusives worthy of your time Examples of developers at the top of their craft Especially if you like hentai games rubbing the back of your Vita and looking daft
No wanky shit said the man on the internet The Vita has no games!
Then what would you call Persona 4 Golden Lumines Electronic Symphony and Uncharted Golden Abyss? No games you say Are you taking the piss?
Retreads and derivatives said the man on the internet The Vita has no games!
Well how about indies? Undertale, Thomas was Alone, Olli Olli and TxK Excellent games made even better by letting you choose where to play
No one bought a Vita for indies sa…

Please Don't Let This Priest Murder My Family

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This post contains minor spoilers for the opening hours of Assassin's Creed Odyssey
In a plague-ravaged village, a family of survivors kneel, bound, before their would-be killers.

They are a young couple with a girl, about my daughter's age, and a son, a little older. They are quite adamant that they don't want to die. They plead for mercy and appeal for aid; a priest and his two executioners wait to see if I will help the family or turn my back on their desperate pleas.

Should I kick-off or should I piss off? Do I intervene and protect the defenceless family or do I leave them to their fate. The decision is not as simple, not as black and white, as it would seem.

It is the fifth century BC, I'm a mercenary and somewhat of a local hero on my Greek island. I have a very difficult decision to make. Only it's not Alexios who has to make this decision - it is I, Matt, Brit abroad and relatively unpopular, who has to make this decision and live with it. And I'm real…