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Showing posts from June, 2018

E3 2018: A Hastily Written and Poorly Researched Preview

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It's nearly E3weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Saturday

EA's presser starts at 3 AM Japan time. There are scant few things less likely to happen than me getting up at 3 AM on a Sunday to watch Snoop Dog talk about historical accuracy in Battlefield.

Mass Effect is fucked, so instead we'll be subjected to Anthem. Professional speakers will simulate human speech, saying stuff like "enemies incoming", "Susan, you pick up that ammo pack", and "Trevor, you cunt". It'll be the worst thing I've ever seen. However, I won't care, as I'll be giddy with excitement over the Burnout reveal. EA have forced the old Criterion crew back together and they are making Paradise 2. I shall be ecstatic.

Battlefield, Madden, NBA, FIFA, other car games; am I forgetting anything? An indie man will appear on stage and give a heartfelt speech about his adorable game. We will all be rooting for him. Unfortunately, his game will end up…