My 2009 1UP Featured Blog

Burnout Paradise Remastered is out in two weeks, and I can't stop thinking about 2009.

2009 was the year I first played Paradise - an all-time great, and just one part of a wonderful year in video games. Uncharted 2, Shatter, Assassin's Creed 2, Dragon Age Origins, DJ Hero, Batman Arkham Asylum, Infamous, Demon's Souls, Street Fighter IV, CoD MW2, Flower, Red Faction Guerrilla etc. 2009 was well nice - a vintage year for stick fiddlers.

In 2009, everyone had a blog. Like a lot of people, I did most of my writing at the now defunct I made internet-friends, butchered the English language, complained about things that I didn't really understand, and even got to engage with the site's paid staff. It was our own little corner of the internet, and it is sorely missed.

Burnout Paradise Remastered is out in two weeks, and I can't stop thinking about 2009. So I'm going to blog like it's 2009, even though it's not.

It is 2018.

Here's my blog, written today, as if it were 2009. And let there be no doubt, this would've definitely been the featured blog that day. Hits in the thousands, and perhaps even a comment from Garnett or Jeremy.


Top 5 Things I Think

1. Downloadable Content ("DLC") is Murder
Downloadable Content? More like Disgusting (L? - come back to this later) Crap! Resident Evil 5 DLC should be on the disc. It's integral to the story, and preventing us from accessing it is criminal. Apparently, there's content on the Street Fighter V disc that only unlocks when you purchase DLC. Basically, Capcom wants us to pay money for shit we already own! This is why the Japanese games industry is dead and will never, ever bounce back. Speaking of which...

2. Japanese Games are Dead
Japan is done. All the best games are coming from the West right now. Name me the last Japanese-developed FPS you played and enjoyed? Actually don't, because it will take you ages to think of one, which basically proves my point.

No one wants anime titties, and men with impossibly beautiful hair and over-sized swords. It's probably for the best, as Japan isn't interested in making console games anyway. Devs here just want to make mobile games, because they're lazy and can't be arsed to mo-cap muscular men shooting guns.

3. The Last Guardian Will be the Best Game of 2010
It looks great. So emotional, on an emotional level. If anyone can deliver an outstanding game without guns, it's Team ICO, though I do have my reservations about games developed in Japan. Do they even develop them anymore?

I know that ICO Team doesn't have the best record when it comes to delivering games on schedule, but I'm prepared to wait for quality. If it slips to late 2010, or maybe even early 2011, then so be it. Anything beyond that would be unacceptable, however.

4. Guitar Hero and Rock Band will Live Forever
Seriously, we're never going to get tired of rocking out to Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Everyone wants to be a rock star, and shelling out for a plastic guitar, drum set, microphone and keytar is a small price to pay for infinite hours of entertainment.

Just last week, I was at a Rock Band party where we all agreed that these games are the most important since the Pac-man, or one of the early Mario ones. We are so convinced of the enduring appeal of RB and GH, that we have gone ahead and scheduled the next five years of music game get-togethers. FYI, I'm now unavailable every third Wednesday until 2014.

5. Kojima & Konami Forever

What a wonderful marriage. Long may it last.

What do you think about stuff?

Odds & Ends

1. The PSP Go looks beautiful, but I don't trust digital. And the thought of buying a new PSP model, and not being able to move my existing library across, is not palatable. I think I'll wait for the PSP 2.

2. I got drunk last week and bought an Xbox 360. I feel a bit dirty, playing for the other team, but I'm excited to try Halo, Gears of War, Mass Effect and whatever else people play on their Xbox. I have contributed to MS's market dominance, and I don't feel good about it. Sony, please bounce back.

3. One thing Sony has got over Microsoft is the PS Home service. I honestly think it's going to be huge. It's a place to live out your wildest, t-shirt buying fantasies, and grind with female avatars. I can see myself spending a lot of time in Home, and not just because I keep accidentally selecting it from the dashboard when I'm trying to select the Store.

4. I'm experiencing lots of technical issues at 1UP. The counter and ranking system still isn't working - I've been here six months and I'm still listed as a Ninja Virgin. Also, my new posts aren't appearing on the front page, which is shit, and the formatting on my posts is all over the place. It takes me almost an hour to get the spacing right and

5. The Prototype vs. Infamous debate rages on. A game about a man with a shaved head and super powers, where you can choose to be good or evil, or another game about a man with a shaved head and super powers, where you can choose to be good or evil. Frankly, I think the comparisons are unfair, as they are clearly two very distinct games. Personally, I'd choose Infamous, as I like the main guy's jacket.

Some upcoming posts to look forward to:

  • Resistance 2 vs. Mario Sunshine, with Thedogbarks.
  • My latest pick-ups from Akihabara,Tokyo, which is in Japan. Which is where I live.
  • Eleven reasons why you should be angry about DLC.

Please comment and leave thumbs because I crave acknowledgement.

this issue ha
s been going on for almost a month now. I just want 1UP to get this shit fixed



  1. 2009 eh? Well I just beat Assassin's Creed 2. What a game! Can't wait to see what happens next. Let's hope we don't wait too long for the next one.

    New Super Mario Bros Wii sold really well. Let's hope this leads to more 2D platformers. We really don't get enough of those nowadays.

    Uncharted 2 looks good, but there's not quite enough to get me to buy a PS3. Maybe White Knight Chronicles and The Last Guardian might get me to finally take the plunge.

    Nintendo DSi looks kind of lame. Who needs a camera for video games? How could they possibly use that in Pokemon?

    Glad to see Call of Duty didn't stick with going back to World War 2. That era of shooters is over, it's time we get more set in the modern day.

    I keep hearing about this game called Demon's Souls. Looks kind of interesting and glad to see it's doing well, but I don't see this game catching on at all.

    1. Replying from the present!

      Assassin's Creed 2 was great. Brotherhood was excellent, Revelations slightly less so. Then we all know what happened from there :(

      White Knight Chronicles! Haven't heard that name in a while.

      I wish they'd remaster Demons Souls. I'd love to go back to it and give it a proper go. Back in 2009, it just wasn't for me.

      Cheers for stopping by.


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