Rematch - Pass?

Just one more game of Rematch before bed. 

Kick off!

I pass the ball back to our keeper. I'm not sure if that pass is automatic or if my pressing X is having any effect. Sometimes I get the points for a completed pass, sometimes I don't.

Regardless, it's the best thing I do all game. It is also the last.

Having rid myself of the ball, I run into space. My generic-looking footballer - tanned, styled hair, moustache; thighs like hams - works little circles around the halfway line, occasionally making an exploratory sprint into the opposition's half, before retreating back because the ball isn't coming our way. It's entirely performative. I'm not sure if I actually want the ball, but I certainly want to appear like I want the ball, and might do something useful if I do get it.

Our keeper is far from convinced.

His legs are unnaturally long, or at least his shorts are pulled up too high. He has big hair and a tartan hat. He's not a newbie and he's clearly been at the store buying crap. The ball is at his feet in our box, and he has already decided that he is the lead protagonist.

I do not trust him.

I dart back into our half. "Pass", I say to myself. But I don't demand the pass in-game. Too early for demands, especially when the ball is liable to slip between my legs because I forgot to press whichever button I'm supposed to press to bring the ball under control. Also, I can't remember how to call for a pass.

I turn around and jog back into the opposition's half. No one is paying me any attention, not even the opposition, and their outfield players are sprinting towards our keeper. He still has the ball at his feet and now he's starting to push forward.

I decide to try a different angle. Maybe the keeper will see me better if I cut in-field slightly? I look over to the opposite wing and my other teammate - we're playing 3-on-3 -  who is making similar movements, but thankfully not in sync with mine. They want the ball and are louder about it than I am. Pass! Pass! Pass! No pass is forthcoming. The keeper continues to dribble up field; he's fast approaching halfway and he only has eyes for goal.

I've seen this plenty of times before. With each goal, the goalkeeper role switches and some players just aren't willing to hang back. The more daring player will trust in their dribbling skills and launch an attack from their own box. They'll use the other two players as decoys, and push well into the opposition's half. They'll wait until a defender commits, then they'll flip the ball up and rifle a volley high off the above-goal barrier. They catch the ricochet with a perfectly timed overhead kick. If the other keeper bit on the first strike, they have no hope of recovering for a save on the second. Guaranteed goal. If they are a little more experienced, and didn't bite, they will still be asked to make a tough save.

It's not a bad tactic for a skilled player, but you'll look like a knob if it backfires. Also, your teammates will probably hate you, goal or no goal, especially if you pull that shit on the first play of the game. It lets them know that if they get the ball, they should probably keep hold of it, because they're playing with at least one black hole who will not give it back.

Our keeper is now at the halfway line and one defender is on him. The other has broken away, already anticipating what comes next. I'm sprinting back, but I'm too late to prevent what's about to happen.

Slide tackle! Our keeper has lost possession and the ball is with the opposition. One short pass and the second in-field player has it. They hit it sweetly from well outside the box - it sails into an empty net. GOAL! 1-0 the team who plays as a team.

"Pass?" I say to myself, definitely not in-game.

The offending player speaks up via one of the audio pre-sets: "We've got this!"

What a twat. I'm furious. It's time to break my in-game silence. "Good job!" I tell them, by bravely pressing up on the d-pad. The timing conveys the intended sarcasm. I don't think they've done a good job - I think they've done a bad job. My other teammate chimes in: "Good job!". We have a mini summit on the matter.

Good Job!

Good Job!

We've got this!

Good Job!

Good Job!

The keeper has the final say: "Thanks!"

That's the final straw and I do something I almost never do in online multiplayer games: I drop out. I hope my other teammate did the same. This was the end of an evening filled with appallingly selfish teammates similar to this one, but also just enough good games, where teams pass and matches are free-flowing, to keep me from quitting. At least up until that match.

If our keeper were writing this blog, it'd probably read a little differently. Firstly, I'm sure they'd be a terrible writer and it'd be full of spelling mistakes and tired phrases. They would have almost certainly compared Rematch to Rocket League and commented on the size of the development team. Secondly, they might have a different take on the whole situation. Why weren't my teammates moving into space correctly? Where were the options? How did the opposition get the ball? Is my connection bad? 

Why am I such a massive twat?

Whatever, this is my blog, and I'm telling the story.

I didn't just log off. I logged off for good and uninstalled Rematch. It wasn't in anger, more an acceptance of something I already knew. For every match I enjoy, I suffer through several I don't, and I just do not have the time for that. 

This was a good decision, but one that I may reverse, because Rematch is pretty good, even when your keeper doesn't know how to pass.