The End of a Generation: The 7th Gen Patched for Trophies
I'm writing a series of posts about the games and consoles of the seventh generation (PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Wii, PSP and DS). It includes a Top 20 countdown, thoughts on the industry, silly pictures and lots more.
Games of the Seventh Generation wanted nothing more than to love us. Trophies and Achievements were constantly telling us how brilliant we were, even when we were doing little more than sitting through a tutorial or just pressing start.
While I don't hunt down shinnies like I used to, I’ll still occasional peruse my trophies and will judge people on the number of bronze, silver, gold and platinum showing in their profile. For those of you who are interested, five and a half years of PS3 gaming has left me halfway through level nineteen, with nineteen Platinums, not that I care about that kind of thing. That is why I have nineteen Platinums.
Achievement systems were an important part of gaming in the 7th Generation, so what better way to celebrate this outgoing era than to patch it for trophies.
Here is my Trophy List for life in the 7th Generation:
Limited Vocabulary - Refer to everything as being either a Roguelike, Metroidvania or a bit like Dark Souls. Everything
Confused Parent - Buy your child a copy of an 18 Rated game and then be shocked when it has guts and muff in it
Clueless - Tweet pictures of all the free stuff a publisher sent you and then get upset when everyone calls you a twat
Going through the Motions - Play Final Fantasy XIII for 100 hours just because it's Final Fantasy
Your Mother is a Gay? - Question the sexuality of a Call of Duty opponent and/or their mum
Cleary a 9.7 - Leave abusive comments wherever reviewers dare to express an opinion that differs from your own
Hi, I'm Desmond - Constantly interrupt people who are far more interesting than you
Giant Enemy Crab - Completely contradict what you just said ten seconds ago
Gamerz Unite - Invent a moronic hashtag to attract other morons
Brick and Mortar Medic - Ignore medical advice and just squat behind a wall whenever injured. Re-emerge when you stop seeing red or you think the cancer has gone
Revengeance of the Duodecim – Make up your own language of complete gibberish
The Famitsu - Love life and accept that everything is at least a 32/40
For the Veterans - Sell branded weaponry alongside your new game. It's fine, 'cause it's for charity
Stick Zombies in it - Do something monumentally unimaginative
The Killzone 3 – Tell a relatively interesting story and then tail off before reaching th…….
Unbox the Fun – Film yourself opening your mail and become a YouTube millionaire
The Last Guardian – Murder a loved one. If anyone asks about their whereabouts, insist that they are fine
Let’s Hunt - Kill your neighbour's cat and wear it on your head, because +7 armour
E3 Press Conference Blood Lust – Manically cheer at something horrific. A car crash or perhaps some terrorism
Get Excite - When you have good news to share with friends and family, tease them with a countdown webpage. Two weeks later, tell them it’s a mobile game.
Yahoo vs. Maths - Give Batman: Arkham City a 6/5
You are 7G: Please login to Uplay to collect your prize