Table Tennis and the Zombie Apocalypse
I was stuck in a room full of zombies. To be more precise,
I was stuck in the corner of a room full of Japanese zombies. The camera was
angled in such a way that all I could see was the grimy wall to which I was
pinned, thanks to an unfortunate gathering of obstacles. The undead were only a
few feet away, ready to chomp down on my snake skin jacket, desperate to trap
me in a loop of stumble-bite-stumble. By the time I had finally gained control
of the camera the pack was already upon me and I spent the next thirty seconds
unsuccessfully trying to reload my shotgun, each time being interrupted by a
salary man's corpse, burning through curative items until I finally got a shot
off and cleared some space.
Such encounters are common place in Yakuza: Dead Souls, a
non-canonical addition to the Yakuza franchise that sees the seediest corner of
Tokyo suffer a zombie apocalypse while the rest of the city, including the
people just over the road, go about their business as usual. Guns, never more than
an occasional pick up in previous outings, are the focus here but are no
substitute for the brutal fisticuffs and besuited street fighting that has defined
the series.
The camera is possessed, constantly finding the angle least
conducive to zombie brain splattery. Much like the first Resident Evil, from which
Dead Souls takes many a cue, the controls are a constant source of frustration,
leaving you at the mercy of mini-bosses that make the denizens of Dark and
Demon’s Souls seem thoroughly accommodating. There are a number of enemies that
love nothing more than knocking you on your arse only to put the boot back in the
second you gather yourself, sending you into a cursed loop of stumbles.
The combat mechanics are no better. Cover is non-existent
and your firearms are mapped in the most unintuitive way imaginable. Draw your
weapon and sometimes it will lock onto something fleshy and shambling, other
times you’ll find yourself aiming at a lamp post or a massage parlour; there
are times that point blank shots won’t register and others when a zombie will
successfully find cover behind a silk flag.
Yakuza: Dead Souls is a shambles, yet I had a lot of fun
playing it. Kamurocho is still the star, even when parts of this Shinjuku facsimile
are cordoned in an effort to contain its cannibalistic residents. From batting
cages to real-life restaurants, it's all there, same as it ever was – I don’t
think any series has gotten as much mileage out of one setting as Yakuza has
Kamurocho. Hostesses still smile at your rubbish jokes and the UFO catcher
machines are filled with cuddly toys; the suggestively dressed lady at the bath
house is happy to play a round of table tennis, forgetting all about her best
friend who just had her face eaten off, and nothing will stop series protagonist Kazuma Kiryu from getting in a round at Karaoke-kan. The mini games
are a constant and welcome distraction.
The ludicrous plot, featuring some of my favourite
characters in modern gaming, makes it a bit easier to forgive the errors in
design. Akiyama is the likable loan shark, who knows how to fly a helicopter
and handle an automatic weapon, and Majima is still properly mental. Despite
working at a Takoyaki stall (battered octopus), Ryuji Goda has a machine gun
for an arm; apparently this didn't come up in his job interview. Kazuma is the
stoic hero who is still far too fond of his 80's suit. He is so bad arsed/thick
that he spends ten minutes trying to clear a street of zombies with his bare
hands before reluctantly deciding to invest in a gun. The supporting cast is equally as
entertaining, with the notable exception of African American Gary who towers
over everyone with his bulging biceps and man breasts, sounding like a dimwit
in his nonsensical Japanese baritone. In entertainment, Japan still struggles with its depiction of foreigners, and in particular black foreigners, routinely creating caricatures that could be viewed as racist in the West, such as Gary. For further examples, you need look no further than the black-face singers and comedians that still occasionally
appear on Japanese TV variety shows.
The main cast come out with some unforgettable lines -
the voices are Japanese with English subtitles - that will have you laughing
and mimicking throughout, from which I have picked up a couple of gems that I’ve
been trying out on my (unimpressed) wife: “年貢の納め時や!”
If you want to make an impression and get yourself into some weird situations
during a trip to Japan, I'd highly recommend learning some Yakuza quotes!
It's unusual for me to derive so much pleasure from such a
flawed game - Lost Planet 2 is the only other example that comes to mind.
It probably helps that I have invested many hours into Yakuza over the last
eighteen months - Yakuza 3, Yakuza 4 and then an aborted attempt at playing the
Japan-only Kenzan – during which time it has become one of my favourite current
generation series. I'm greatly looking forward to Yakuza 5, even if there's no guarantee
that it’ll be coming west, given SEGA's new reluctance to localize anything
that isn't guaranteed a significant audience.
Considering its countless issues, I can't recommend Yakuza:
Dead Souls. If you are new to the series, I suggest plumping for Yakuza 4
and staying as far away as possible from this zombie spin-off. That being said,
Dead Souls succeeded in keeping me entertained for a solid fortnight, even if at
times I did want to bash in its brains with a shovel.
I say, "Left 4 Dead was fun."
ReplyDeleteThey hear, "Please make as many zombie games as possible, for as long as possible, until the very word zombie becomes a synonym for boredom."
Always nice to see beloved Akiyama, though. He's so cool. I still need that jacket.
Perhaps in future you will be more careful about what you enjoy. There must be a new Dead Rising coming out soon, right?
DeleteAkiyama needs his own game. I'd definitely buy a deluxe edition of Yakuza 5 if it came with either his jacket or Kazuma's suit.
Cheers